Thursday, April 22, 2010

being strong means it is ok to be weak sometimes

School was rough this week...but life brought me to my knees.

Lola is not doing well and I just do not have the strength to detail the issues of the day and my fears for tomorrow. I feel so torn that I can not do more for her, or more for my grandfather, or more for my mother.

If I could though....I would loan Lola my mind, if just for a moment, so she would recognize her husband as he lovingly holds her hand.

If I could though....I would loan Lola my voice, if just for a moment, so she could tell her daughter she loves her.

If I could though....I would loan Lola my body, if just for a moment, so she can run and play with Thurgood.

Somehow not being called Pangking or being "kissed" by my Lola in that famous Filipino *sniff-kiss* my foundation.

And yet...all I can do is tell her I love her and *sniff-kiss* her.



  1. I have no words worthy of writing here. I'm so sorry, E. My heart breaks for you and yet I know nothing I say makes it any better. Praying for you and your family.

  2. I'm sorry. I wish things were different for you and your family. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Im so sorry for you and your family... I will pray for you...hugs to you~

  4. I am so sorry! I wish there was more that I could do but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family!! I'd give you a hug if I was there!!

  5. I don't know what is going on in your life it's none of my business so.. I send to you- BIG HUGS to you and yours!

  6. I am so sorry, please know my heart breaks for you! You are in my thoughts and in my prayers! hang in there!

  7. Awwww...I'm so terribly sorry about this! Your title of this post says it perfectly. It's okay to cry, curl up and hide. I hope things look brighter soon:)Lots of xoxoxoxo:)

  8. My heart goes out to you e!
    Sending you a big cyber hug from Texas!!

  9. My dear E. I am so sorry; words aren't enough in times like these but know that you, Lola, & your family are in our thoughts & hearts. We're here for you!

    (My mom does the "sniff-kiss". There's so much meaning & love in such an endearing little gesture.)

  10. Sweet sweet E., my heart breaks for you and your family. I hope you share what you wrote with your mom and your is beautiful. I remember the end with my dear Izzy, and how it was just so sad to let her go. The day before she passed away, I remember her lying in bed and pushing her head up onto her hand, and just the expression was that of a schoolgirl. She joked and laughed that way for a long while with me, Sofi and Izzy. It was such a beautiful moment that I will always treasure. Hold these moments in your heart, keep writing and keep creating your beautiful treasures for your home. Wish I were closer....

  11. You are's okay to feel everything that you are feeling. Losing family is the hardest thing. I guess that is because of our bonds with them and our love for them. Hang in there. You are strong even if you don't feel like you are.

  12. Your post was beautifully written, so sorry to hear this news.

  13. This post brought me to tears. Such a hard part of life, but such beautiful thoughts. My thoughts are with you and your family. Lola might not be able to physically express it, but in whatever state she is and wherever her mind is at the moment, she must feel such strong love.

    I know I'm very far away, but if there's anything I can ever possibly do, please let me know.

  14. I hate that I have missed so many of these your posts, e! You are one precious and loving granddaughter!

  15. You have such a way with words ~ you express yourself so eloquently. I know it is so difficult to see your grandma like this.


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